Dateline – Biggest Loser Ranch, Tustin CA

Source say Gillian is now force feeding her team red wine.  That’s right, that mystery concoction that everyone told you will make you fat, will make you thin!  I found this proof on the internet:

Before wine diet

Reverse-It-All, the secret ingredient in red wine, has been found to increase your endurance as well as cut weight and reduce the risk of diabetes.  Reverse-it-all also activates the wonder twin powers, in the form of the longevity gene.  Reverse-It-All is only found in the skins of red wine grapes, so I encourage you to use your red and pink wine intake accordingly.

After wine diet

While skeptics state that you would need to drink hundreds of glasses of red wine in order to reap the benefits of Reverse-It-All, I am here to prove them wrong.  According to the renowned Bacon expert, Rick Bakas, “Wine doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean…..against a wall, a chair, the floor, other people….”.  Therefore, I am going to experiment with the Red Wine Diet.

The key to this diet is the judicious use of a good red wine.  For my first week of dieting, I meandered through Chile, starting with the Viu Manent Secreto Malbec 2006 You can see the full review by clicking through.   This Malbec is a chewy wine, that brings notes of smoked meats and leather.  Chewing your wine 40 times before swallowing has been shown to fill you up faster.

First, you start with this rich red wine.  Pour yourself a glass.  Sip it slowly, enjoying the full flavors.  If you are having trouble picking out taste profiles, pour yourself another glass.  Repeat.  At NO TIME may you eat real food while on this diet.  It is very important that you drink an entire bottle each night, in order to get the correct amounts of Reverse-It-All flowing in your system.

If you are having hunger pangs, I would suggest that you try a critter label, such as Pink Goat.  The critters on the label are actually steeped in the wine, which should help you get your protein levels stabilized.  This wine hails from Chile as well, and is made from the blood of real goats.  This will provide you some protein, and help tide you over until you can eat real food again.

Alternatively, if you are searching for divine inspiration with your wine diet, try the Montes Cherub Rose of Syrah.  This traditional Syrah Rose is refreshing and will help fill you up, while having a cherub sprinkle you with good luck.

For the complete details of The Red Wine Diet, please refer to the user guide, which is available on Amazon.com.

14 thoughts on “Secrets revealed! Lose weight with wine!”

  1. LOVE IT. Just when I thought that my love for wine would prevent me from fitting into my wedding dress… reverse-it-all actually saved me the trouble of exersizing and cooking bland, tasteless meals while not giving up on my prefered drink! Thanks, reverse-it-all!

  2. Reverse-it-all! Dang, I'm going to have to add a BIG glass of wine to the plate of cheese tater tots w/ Ranch dressing that I'm currently enjoying….evil temptress 😉

  3. Cheese tater tots with RANCH?!@? DAMN girl those are reverse calories!!!!

    Karen, you're gonna be so skeeny with all the wine you drink tehehehe

    I love me some Reverse-It-All!

  4. Oh, my god. This made my day, my week, my month and my year. So did the book review you linked to above – gotta get that one.

  5. lol couple of classic one liners in there!
    "Wine doesn’t make you fat, it makes you lean…..against a wall, a chair, the floor, other people….”.

    Looks like it's working from the before and after shots anyway – they look about as realistic as the infomercial abroller ads 🙂

  6. LOL Madfish! Exactly. Works so well, just like the Acai juice pyramid scemes! :-p Add some bacon in there and you have a balanced meal.

    Look for more reviews about my new diet foods this week!

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